just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
