Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
