I think I am morally bankrupt
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
