I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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