Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
