You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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