She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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