no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
