why didn't you poke me back
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
