Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
