You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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