How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Randomize
