thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
