You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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