OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Randomize
