I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
