Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
