I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
