I wish life had little blips of pornography
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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