so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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