hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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