Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
