i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
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