dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize