i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
