i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
dude. I can hear the air.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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