And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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