1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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