I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
