At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
