I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you had me at cake vodka
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
