wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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