Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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