one two three fourrrrnication!
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
