Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
