Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize