The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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