I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
