I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
