Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize