i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
