I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
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