The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
