Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
