Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
