She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize