And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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