Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
