Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
