New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
