If i come over, it means nothing
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize