i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
