Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
