dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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