Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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