So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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