Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
my being single is dangerous.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
