If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
