I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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