she is the kim kardashian of front butts
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
