some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize