she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
