You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
