Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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