I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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