I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
