You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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