I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
