Someone shit on the floor
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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