i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
