It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
