Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
