rhymes with "ouble enetration"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize