i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
