in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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