I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
