sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
