I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize