it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
