Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
