on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize