like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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