He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
