nutella sex= disaster
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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