peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
