I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
