people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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