So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
