how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
